Knave’s Kitchen

Review by Dan Curley: Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat, but you won’t be gorging on its cranberry-covered corpse at Knave’s Kitchen. Based inside the Oporto Bar in central Leeds, this junk food joint’s menu is 100% plant-based, and for the second year running, they’re launching a Christmas menu – perfect for those who’d rather scoff rhubarb than Rudolph.

Top of the menu is rude-sounding “Moist Maker Xmas Burger”, a mountain of scran stuffed in a bun with a seitan-Turkey patty, slaw, gravy, some soft toast and roast potatoes. Trying to eat it with your hands is like trying to brush your teeth with a toilet brush – this is a knife and fork jobby. It’s moist, and goes down a treat. We also had a taste of the “Seitan’s Little Helper” – a chunky hotdog with cranberry ketchup, vegan bacon (made out of rice paper, yet genuinely baconic in taste), onions and smoked sriracha mayo. It’s a bit drier than the burger, has a spicy kick, and can easily be munched down using your mitts.

A Christmas menu for those who’d rather scoff rhubarb than Rudolph

The next dish we tried was the “Pizza Stocking”, which looks a lot more like a cornish pasty. Slice it open and its innards reveal vegan sausage, pizza sauce, mushrooms, onion jam and it comes with a garlic dipping sauce. It doesn’t look like pizza but it does taste like pizza.

At this stage I’ve eaten far too much and can’t even make a dent in the “Boxing Day Fries”, spicy fries covered in vegan turkey, pastry and allotment (veggie) gravy. This is not a side – it’s a main that could do for two. Dessert comes in the shape of “Pumpkin Spiced Waffle”, a pudding with a large waffle loaded with mixed berries, vegan ice cream and cinnamon icing. Again – this is no dessert for one – I manage a single spoon’s worth or risk suffering a similar death to the gluttony geezer in the film Seven.

The Christmas menu at Knave’s Kitchen is available from the 1st Dec. Prices are online, plus they mentioned a £50 platter in which you get one of everything and share it among your group. Oporto is a late-night bar, occasionally one with live music, so would make for a perfect Christmas party venue for vegans.